So I think a lot about birthmothers. Already. Maybe this is heightened by by being in Thailand right now. Maybe not – I do actually think about it all the time.

I don’t know my child/ children yet so I don’t know who their birthmother is yet. It may be difficult for us to find this out, or the information might be available, we don’t know. There may also be a photo, maybe not.

I hope, I truly hope that our family will know as much as we can about our child’s birthmother right from the beginning. I think that this will make things easier for our children, especially as they get older and go through adolescence. But I also think it will make things easier for me.

Because I worry.

Already I worry. I worry that right now she is going through one of the most difficult and traumatic experiences of her life, and that she may feel completely alone and unsupported and scared. I wish that I could intervene in her life, to help somehow. It may be possible or it may not be possible for me or anyone else to intervene in a way that would allow her to keep her baby. But if not, then at least to be able to let her know that her baby will be loved and cared for – for the rest of its life – if that baby was to come into my family.  I worry that she is worried for her future and her baby’s future.

But I know that it is impossible. Not because such interventions cannot be made. I work in humanitarian aid and everyday myself and others are doing important projects that are about empowering people, providing them with opportunities, and choices, and hope for their future. Lives do get changed. No not because of that do I need to worry.

But because that the only way I will ever come to know the birthmother of my children is when decisions have already been made. When ‘the dye is cast’ so to speak.

Our lives will only intersect at those crossroads where the baby she has cared for becomes the baby I will care for – for the rest of my life. And I hope that there is some way that I can at that point assure her that this is my commitment. My vow.

I know that my children will think about their birthmothers. That they will be curious about her. I hope I will have some of the answers for them – but I know I won’t know enough, probably.

But I feel a great love for her. I feel so much sorrow and compassion for her situation. If the world was a fair and just place then all babies would stay with their mummies. But it is not a fair and just place. So I just pray for her and  hope that the difficult situation she is in now does not remain with her. I will keep her in my heart and hope that she can believe later that her child will be safe with me.

Whoever she is, wherever she is, whatever she is going through. The birthmother of my children.

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