arrrgh!!

So I think I have mentioned it before but I cant remember where or when. But there is an invisible baby that sits on my lap and work. Sometimes this baby pulls at my leg – tugs at my hair  – pleads with me to pick them up. This baby is very distracting. In fact it can be hard to concentrate on meetings or get any work done sometimes.

The baby is actually with me everywhere but at home it is ok. It is ok to be involved with your baby (real or invisible) when you are at home.

At work it is more difficult. Especially at the moment when I feel like I am drowning in a quicksand of paperwork….

I would take a photo of my desk but it is too shocking! LOL. I will paint a picture in your mind. SO. Much. PAPER! I am totally confused and feel quite inadequite at work. I know I must be letting people down…. but I am just barely hanging on with all the stuff that is going on at the moment.

It sucks to feel like this. The real trouble is that I love my job but I really feel that I should be on parental leave at the moment because I feel like my baby should be here. This imaginary baby wont let go of me and wants a lot of my attention. But I dont know what this means… Does it mean that maybe somewhere in the universe we are already connected and we just dont know each other yet? Does it mean that I need to do something? Somehow fight for my baby? That they need me because they are being ignored by the system/cast aside? I dont know.  I heard today that a cyber friend who is in Thailand now meeting her son, was actually matched with her son 11 months before the allocation was offical. 11 MONTHS!! I am shocked.

I mean I understand that there might be some paperwork or process to go through between matching and allocation but for that to take nearly a year has floored me. I truely thought that once you were matched you were in the home stretch.

For my cyber friend and her partner that is sad. A year of waiting added on to their life. But for her son it is potentially a greater tradgedy – firstly almost a whole year where he could have been in his mummys arms! Now – lets be clear that I am not saying that this applies to her son. But statistically they say that for every 4 months of living in an institutional environment can cause 1 month of developmental delays in a child, being any or either of a; gross motor delays; fine motor delays; cognitive delays; language delays; or social /emotional delay. Now these delays can be undone and the child can catch up – due to the intervention that happens when they change to a family environment (it is not by any means a life sentance!) BUT how can it be justified to expose children to these risks? 11 months means potentially 3 months of a delay in any of the above areas. Add that 11 months to the time the child spent in institutional care before matching. It is for the childrens sake that we need to ensure that due dilligence is followed, but in a timely manner. It really does matter.

Anyway, maybe my invisible baby is not really invisible…. by that I mean maybe someone in Thailand is holding my baby in their arms right now. Maybe my baby is only invisible to me. We might even be already matched. But it still might be 11 months before we know about each other and before I can hold my baby in my arms.

But dont worry baby, I know your there. I cant forget you. Not when you are always in my lap and pulling my hair… tugging at my leg… it is imposible.

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