So there have been quite a few allocations in the last couple of months in Australia…. maybe 5 since Jan across a few states.

I am so happy for the families who are finally coming togther. The children who are going to have loving parents to care for them and protect them. The parents who will have children to fulfill their lives. It is so lovely.

There are still  many more waiting families. Hopefully their time will come soon – very soon.

So the families who have been allocated recently as far as I know the waiting families were waiting around  30+ months. wow. There is talk among the network that a 40 month wait may be the new norm. wow.

I just don’t know how I am going to do it. I know that sounds excessively pathetic and self pitying. But look at my ticker on the side of my page – 8 months and 2 weeks. Our file has only been in Thailand for 8 months and two weeks! Of course there was the 18 month journey before that to get approval from the Australian Authorities – so our journey began in October 2008. But the waiting part has only been happening for a little over 8 months.

The people allocated have said that as soon as you see the face of your little baby all the pain of waiting dissapears. I think it must be true. I hope it is for those who have been waiting 30 months plus or 40 months!

The absolute YEARNING I feel to hold my child is so intense that I just can not stand the thought that to get to the 30 month ‘norm’ it is another 2 years of waiting for us. But there is no choice, their is no option. Waiting is where we are at. And wait we must.

All we can do is continue to prepare our hearts, our minds, our house for our future baby.

So I don’t know… this post is called mixed feelings. My feelings are not really mixed. I am genuinly happy for the families who have reciently been allocated and I hope that there are many many more to come for those who are still waiting!

But when allocations happen it just reminds me how far allong the journey we still have to go and how long and difficult a process it is going to be.

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